Teenagehood Growth

All these comments ar describing typical adolescent growth. Each child has their own characteristics. The parent must identify if their child is artistic, matha,etical, religious in their outlook. The better the parent encourages the child's interests the calmer, more self assured with the child be, will the adolescent be, the adult be.

Early — 10 to 13

Early adolescent markers are a rapid increase in growth - hair, genitals, breasts. Early development can begin earlier for girls and for both can begin as early as eight.

Anxiety can arise at this period, the changes are disorienting for most people. The early (0 to 7) childhood experiences will enhance or restrict this growth. Where the child has been supported and 'trust between parent and child is strong these growths are easier to traverse.

Early adolescents are prone to thinking is positive or negative ways. The ability to consider pros and cons is usually restricted. All-or-Nothing might be a title for this time. 

A growing need for privacy is sometimes needed. The child is learning to be an individual. This is a difficult period because being an individual draws the child away from their safety of the family... against their will yet it is a strong impulse... learning to be an adult is beginning here.

The parent must really appreciate these times otherwise they too might be offended by their child's differentiating  the family. It is this very differentiating which marks the 'family child' from the adult. 

Middle — 14 to 17

In Middle  adolescent boys voices will change, and both boys and girls will start to have an interest in sex. It is important for them to be supported at this stage.

Not only sex but romantic relationships start to play a part in the teenagers outlook. These are experiences completely new and sometimes, where circumstances dictate, their feelings are at odds with their responsibilities.

Struggling for independence can cause friction between themselves and authority figures. The ability to think more abstractly and their attention to their appearance and peer pressure conflict with all they have previously know.

The ability to think more logically rubs against their desire to be independant and not want to do homework and go see their friends. Parents applying regulations might give rise to obstinacy and the breaking of rules.

Strong emotions are at play here; emotional turmoil without the ability to mange their feelings causes conflict in the family and school environment.

Late — 18 to 21

Late adolescence is marked by better impulse control and a stronger sense of self. 

These are still new experiences and can take a while to master. Meanwhile the later stages of adolescence encourage them to have a stronger sense-of-self and are able to identify and express their individual values. Yes, those values will be sourced from their family but additionally they are finding new values at school and with their peers; sometimes these new values are at odds with the parent's views.

All these changes are centered in the growth of the brain. The brain parts grow at different rates. Each person has their own path to maturity and as the teenager grows, this aspect of growth is often  ignored. We all think what they should be doing and thinking, but the individual has their own ideas. For the teenager to grow into a mature reasoning adult the parent can guide but not demand. Demanding leads to a non-democratric up-brining which will possibly lead to rebellion. 

Stress and anxiety for the teenager

The teenager experiences stressand anxiet from many quarters. As they are growing the parents are expecting them to be responsible, while their growth has not afforded them the educatio nand skill required for this 'adult' style reasoning.

What to do to help your child achieve appropriate behaviours.

The best education is to provide the child examples of resonable behaviour. Teaching them that it is normal to feel upset and angry by expressing those feelings appropriately.

Appropriate behaviours...

Appropriate behaviours are modeled by the parents behaviour. Children will focus on their parents and carers behaviours and copy. If the parents cshout and fight the cuhild will likely fight and shout to get their own way.

The family is the source of good or bad

Establishing family norms that are reasonable and respectful for all members of the family will entice the child to understand... reasonable requests for acting wityhin the societal group.

Quite often a simple habit of the family ALL sitting at the table to eat and discuss the day's activities will allow all memners of the family to feel they are seen, heard and be a part of the group.